how to separate – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

Can Separation Save (or Cost You) a Marriage?

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg November 3, 2021 November 2, 2021

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

November 3, 2021

You want to save your marriage. Your spouse seems to only want to destroy it. That is a pretty common scenario for people who visit my website.

And so, I often have the question asked, “Should we separate? Will a separation save my marriage?”

Can a separation save a marriage?

Short answer: yes, it can.

Longer answer: a separation can save a marriage, but it is statistically unlikely. And in my experience, a separation is a step in the wrong direction.

Some recent statistics show that around 79% of couples who separate end up divorced. In other words, 8 out of every 10 couples who separate will divorce.

I view separation as an absolute last resort to save a marriage. It is, in my opinion, that unlikely to help.

But here is the thing: if you are stuck in a conflicted and hurting marriage, it can be a very appealing solution. And yes, you can find “fans” of separation. There are people who tell you it is an important step in restoring a marriage.

Those people are ignoring the statistics.

They are appealing to your sense of relief that can come from a break in the conflict. More often than not, a separation amounts to a “trial divorce.”

But are there better solutions? Absolutely. Here is one.

In this podcast training, I tell you why separation is problematic — so that you understand that. I also tell you how to structure a separation, if it is inevitable and a last resort. Listen below for help with separation.

RESOURCES:
Article on Separating
Save The Marriage System
Virtual Coaching Program (IF you have the System)

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Before You Separate

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

February 20, 2019

You don’t want it. But your spouse insists. A separation has to happen.

Or maybe you thought you wanted a separation… hoping it would help. But after reading my stuff or listening to my podcasts, you might realize that this is NOT the best idea.

In fact, you realize that you have now escalated the crisis by not a little, but a lot! This is not an incrimental shift. It is much bigger.

So, now what?

What do you do to try and minimize the damage… even setting up the separation so that there is a way back?

Most people think separation might just be a way of getting things back “on track.” But not if you don’t set it up that way. Not if you don’t plan for resolution.

Separation does not have to be a disaster. But without planning, it often is.

In this week’s Save The Marriage Podcast, I discuss what you need to do BEFORE you separate… so that it leads back to marriage.

Listen to the episode below.

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When Is It Time To Separate?

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

February 13, 2019

I think I have made it clear that I am not a fan of separation. Generally, it is a trial run at divorce, a “dress rehearsal.”

But is there a time when it is necessary to separate? When it is actually a good idea to separate?

Many couples face this question every year. They ponder the question, mulling it over. Should they separate? What does a separation do for the prospects of saving a marriage?

Having had this conversation with couples and individuals many times over my career, I can tell you that the conversation, itself, is painful and tough. Much less, actually separating.

Sometimes, there has to be a separation. In fact, in one instance, I think it is absolutely necessary.

Then, there are times when you may want to resist, but realize that there is more damage done by NOT separating than by separating.

In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I answer the question, “When is it time to separate?” Listen below.

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