save the marriage system – Page 9 – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

My Method and Why It Works

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg October 3, 2018 October 3, 2018

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

October 3, 2018

When a marriage is in trouble, the first place many people turn to is the internet. Where most people discover quite a plethora of information.

But what to trust? What to do?

Remember that even Google says they are a “search engine, not a truth engine.” In other words, they just give you search results. Not an evaluation of the results.

So, some people just dive right in, grabbing information on top of information, believing that if it has to do with “saving a marriage,” it must all fit together.

This is patently false. And it leads to trouble.

Some advice is very manipulative. Some is simply misguided. Lots is based on anecdotal evidence — the author somehow saved his or her marriage and thinks it applies across the board (it rarely does).

How do you pick through the advice and information?

I do my best to be transparent on what I teach. I rely on 3 decades of experience as a coach and therapist, 30 years in my own marriage, and lots of research.

And I will tell you exactly what I teach… along with why I teach it. Then, you can make your own decision on what path to follow.

Listen to this week’s podcast episode for what I suggest and why I suggest it.

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4 Fears That Halt Your Efforts… And Don’t Need To

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

August 22, 2018

You’ve decided to save your marriage. You start the process, maybe even make some progress.

Then, BAM! You hit a wall.

A wall of fear. Fears that sabotage your efforts, pull you back from your plan, get you to give up.

But those fears do not have to be the end of your efforts. In fact, those fears need not do anything to your efforts. Fears and actions are not the same. Fears are fears. Whenever we base our actions on fears, we give them too much power.

When you are working on saving a marriage, there are 4 fears that strike many people… and they may just hit you! And then, you have to decide whether the fears stop your efforts or if they are just “background noise.”

Which will they be for you?

Listen to the podcast episode below.

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Surviving the “Golden Hour”

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

November 1, 2017

In situations of traumatic injury, first responders refer to the “Golden Hour” as the first hour (or less) after injury where proper medical care leads to the best chance of survival.

I ran into the concept in first aid training as a teenager. But I saw it in action when I was a hospital chaplain at the beginning of my career. Severe injuries with quick response often survived, when lesser injuries that were not so quickly addressed led to higher mortality.

Guess what?

It also applies to a marriage crisis.

Except it isn’t really an hour. It might be days or weeks. But what matters is how you respond in that early crisis time.

In this week’s podcast, we look at the best ways to survive that Golden Hour with the greatest change of marital survival (and thriving).

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“What If I CAN’T Save It?” — Your Fears Addressed

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

July 12, 2017

Two phone calls the same day. Both with the same question: “What if I CAN’T save my marriage?” One had been working at it for awhile. The other hadn’t started (and was trying to decide whether to even start).

It’s a common question that gets asked at 3 different times in the process. Each has a different meaning. All share a fear.

That fear can keep you from taking action, talk you into giving up, or serve to inform you.

This week, I want to take on the question, “What if I can’t save it?”, because not every marriage can be saved. (But NONE will be saved without action.)

Don’t let the question trip you up. Understand what’s behind it. And learn my answer to the question.

Listen below. . .

(And if you are ready to get started, GRAB MY SAVE THE MARRIAGE SYSTEM HERE.)

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How To Make Each Day A New Start

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

January 6, 2016

We tend to love the “new.” A new outfit, new car, new year, new whatever. It always feels like a fresh start, full of possibilities. But the newness tends to fade fast. Then, it is just another outfit, just the car you drive, just another year.

Take that car, for example. If you are like me, that first ding or dent changes something. That first stain or damage takes out it out of “new.” Oh, sure, you keep the car. But it loses a little of the allure.

Unfortunately, the same is often true with relationships. A new relationship, without all the history, the hurts and laughs, can seem to be the easiest way. But it never has the same depth, the same “soul.”

I have this scar on my leg that reminds me of that huge wipeout on a skateboard when I was 13. I still remember the pain (I don’t remember the actual accident, thanks to cracking my head on a cinderblock). But I also remember the epic run that led to the accident. That scar tells me a story (and certainly didn’t keep me from skateboarding!).

Relationships are like that. We find strength from the struggles. We find comfort from the joys. Together, they can knit a powerful relationship. But too often, we just get mired down in the pains, ready to walk away.

We have to find some way to hold onto the relationship, but release the pains.

One way is to see each day as a new beginning, a new chance. Not just to keep making the same old mistakes, but to create something amazing.

So, why isn’t each day a new beginning? Because we stay trapped to the past. We don’t move forward in new and better ways. We end up reliving the same day, over and over.

We have a chance to embrace each day as a new opportunity, for ourselves and for our relationship. In today’s episode, I tell you the 6 steps to take, in order to make each day a new way.

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