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Dealing with Negativity

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By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

October 13, 2021

It happens. In the middle of a marriage crisis, you can find yourself surrounded by negativity. A spouse negative about the marriage. Friends and family negative about your efforts to save your marriage. You negative, well, about everything you are doing (it is easy to slip into self-blame and self-doubt).

Negativity comes from several sources: fear, protectiveness, anger, resentment, lack of understanding, and lack of clarity.

Regardless of the source, you may find yourself reacting poorly — negatively impacting your capacity to save and improve your marriage.

Is there another alternative?

You bet there is!

I would suggest four ways to respond that can change the outcome. Listen to the podcast for the four ways you can respond differently to the negativity, making sure that you don’t catch it yourself. Listen below.

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Hope vs. Hopelessness

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

February 5, 2020

Miranda asked me, “What do I do? My spouse is hopeless that we can save our marriage. I’m losing hope, too.”

A couple of weeks ago, I did a training for members of my VIP Program, noting three barriers in the way of a spouse working on the marriage… along with how to respond. One of those barriers is hopelessness.

But if a spouse is hopeless… how can you hold onto hope?

There is an equation of hope: hope = goal + pathways to goal + action to get there.

If you noticed from the equation, a spouse (you) can choose hope, even when a spouse is hopeless. Especially if you recognize that the hopeless spouse cannot see that goal… cannot see a way forward (a path)… and therefore, can’t see a way to take action.

There are traps at each of those three elements of hope… and if one is not present, it isn’t really hope. So, let’s talk about how to grab each element, keep it in place, and keep moving forward.

Listen to the episode below.

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Pushing Through…

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

November 6, 2019

What do you do when you feel like giving up, like nothing you do is making a difference? Or when your spouse says you are trying to hard, or acting strange? Or when you have dragged your spouse to retreats, therapy, workshops… and at every turn, your spouse throws up a wall?

What do you do to push through?

That assumes that, for right now, giving up is not what you want to do.

You could do that. You could walk away. That is an option at any time.

But what if you don’t want to do that?

In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I answer listener questions about how to continue in the face of failed efforts and resistant spouses.

We also look at the effects of depression on the process.

And I give you three pointers to keep moving forward… including why that “love language” may be failing in translation.

Listen below.

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Don’t Get Pulled Under

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

May 1, 2019

Every marriage crisis starts as a crisis of an individual. As it expands into the marriage, the question is whether you, the spouse, will get pulled under by the crisis.

Have you ever tried to save a drowning person?

This can be kind of like that. Get too close, and they will drag you under with them. Their desperation will overcome any sensible decision. Running purely on terror, they will flail, grab, and pull at anything that is nearby… and anyone.

And when someone is in crisis, it can certainly feel like drowning… even with no water (other than tears). The desperation is there. The flailing is there. And if you aren’t careful, you can get pulled under.

One person in crisis is enough. Two people multiples the complications and difficulties in recovering the relationship.

Don’t allow yourself to get pulled under.

In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I discuss 4 rules to keep from getting pulled under.

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Video: What Do You Do If Your Spouse Doesn’t Want To Save Your Marriage?

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

May 10, 2011

Many people find me and my work because they are trying to figure out how they can save their marriage, even when their spouse is not interested. Is that you? Are you finding yourself the one seeking save the marriage information? Are you wondering “can this marriage be saved when my spouse doesn’t care or even wants out?” This video is for you.

Find the marriage advice you need if you are saving your marriage alone!