why does my spouse see me badly – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

How to Get the Love You Want

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg July 29, 2020 July 28, 2020

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

July 29, 2020

Why did you fall in love with your spouse? Why do people fall in love with the person they fall in love?

And perhaps even more importantly for our time together, why do those same relationships cause such pain? How can love turn painful and hurtful?

Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt have been on the forefront of helping hurting marriages for decades. In 1988, their seminal book, Getting The Love You Want, came out to great acclaim. It was an international best-seller.

In that book (now revised), Harville and Helen reveal their Imago Theory of why we fall in love, and why it can either be hurtful or healing. They also provide exercises for couples to explore their own Imago relating, to help with healing and health.

Some time ago, Harville and Helen gave me some of their time to share their thoughts and direction on how to create a loving relationship. This interview was originally part of a special program. But I decided to share it with you, because of the powerful information they shared.

Listen below to discover how understanding your Imago and help heal your marriage.

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Escape The Perception/Connection Trap

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

March 16, 2016

It is not about “communication,” no matter what you hear (from friends or a therapist). Most people communicate just fine. They have another issue: perception. How they perceive each other, that is the bigger issue.

And then the trap is laid.

Perception and connection. They create a downward spiral (unless you escape it) that traps you into a fall into disconnection.

I call it the Perception/Connection Trap. You have perceptions of each other (that are always at least partly fictional), and you have some level of connection. When your perceptions of each other are poor (negative), your connection begins to falter. When you are feeling disconnection, your perceptions grow more negative. Which leads to further disconnection. Which leads to further negative perceptions.

The spiral downward.

The bad news is this pattern traps many couples into a painful marriage crisis.

The good news is that you can escape the Perception/Connection Trap. And the great news is that you can use the reverse of the cycle to re-grow the connection and the relationship.

Learn how in this week’s podcast trying (and if you find it helpful, please use the SHARE buttons below).

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