“The Last Straw”
https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg
A fight. An affair. An indiscretion. An argument. Some event.
Suddenly, someone announces “this is over.”
You may point to that event, the moment when things seemed to turn upside down.
But that event was just that: an event. It was a “tipping point.” Almost always, there was a long, slow climb to the top before you “tipped over” the summit. The straw was being piled on, before that “last straw” broke the camel’s back.
Unfortunately, people tend to get focused on that single event, pointing to the symptom. Not the problem.
And that makes efforts ineffective. You are aiming at the wrong target. Deal with the problem — not the symptom — if you want to make progress.
Listen in for how.
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So many times, I hear couples say, “Stop Controlling ME!” Interestingly, sometimes, both people are saying it to the other. BOTH people are not likely to get very far in controlling. But BOTH claim a controlling spouse, while NEITHER accepts being controlling.
Have you ever noticed how often we want an easy answer?
There are lots of mistakes people make in their efforts to save their marriage. This particular mistake is what I consider to be the 3rd biggest. I hear it in the questions people send me every single week.