October 2018 – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

The 4th C

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg October 31, 2018 October 31, 2018

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

October 31, 2018

Over the years, I developed some direct and simple ways to save your marriage (simple is not the same as easy — it still takes effort!). One piece of my approach was what I called “The 3 C’s” — being Calm, Constant, and Consistent.

These “3 C’s” aren’t really about what you do, but how you do it… how you carry out your plan (something I discuss in my System and share with my VIP members in a “fill-in-the-blank plan”).

Over the years, those 3 C’s have been a mantra for my clients… the reminder that keeps them moving in helpful ways when panic is pulling at them. This mantra keeps the process moving in productive ways, creating profound changes in the relationship.

Many times, those 3 C’s are the difference between a plan working and failing, between successfully saving a marriage and failure.

Last week, one of the members of my VIP group noted that she needed to add a 4th C. And then, she pointed out what should have been obvious… there IS a 4th C! And it is something I have discussed before… but failed to include as an important (and daily) C in the process.

That 4th C? Courage.

In this week’s podcast episode, I cover the first 3 C’s, then tell you how that 4th C fits into your efforts. Here’s how you work your plan… be sure and listen in!

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Don’t Let Emotions Choose…

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

October 24, 2018

It’s a false belief in our culture that we need to “trust our gut” and “follow our emotions.” Emotions change. Feelings shift. And we can’t even say what our emotions are, much of the time.

Sure, you can feel an emotion. But tell me what it is? What it means? Why it is there right now… and might be gone in 5 minutes? Or tomorrow?

Let’s be clear: a hurting marriage is painful. Conflict is tough. Not connecting with someone close to you is frustrating. But does that mean that it is time to give up and walk away? What if your emotions are all over the place, making you feel like you need to give up and walk away.

Is that a reason to give up?

Notice: “feel like” is seen as a “reason.”

Many people tell me they just need to “follow their emotions.” I remind them that there is a group of people who do this… children — around 3 years old! Because they think that the emotion is truth. They are angry, so they throw a fit. 5 minutes later, the anger is gone, so they are happy to play. Until the next upheaval.

Part of maturity is recognizing that emotions are temporal. And we don’t have to react to an emotion. We can choose our response.

Especially around things like marriage. Important things.

Listen to this podcast episode to learn more.

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Coaches’ Corner

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

October 17, 2018

It has been my great pride and pleasure to have some great coaches on my team. My team of Relationship Coaches were already amazing coaches when I met each of them. Along with their own skills, I added in my approach and techniques.

Now, they offer world-class coaching to clients around the world.

But more than that, each one has a story and an approach… unique to each of them. Their well of wisdom is deep.

Over a number of weeks, I interviewed each one, to introduce you to them, and to let you benefit from their wisdom. I put all of these episodes together for you, so that you can get all of their wisdom in one spot.

Click the links below to access each episode, an interview with a coach.

Debbie Rivera: Return To Love

Nina Potter: Shift From Control

Annette Carpien: Uncovering Hope

Laurie Johnson: Staying the Course

Terri Hase: We Change When We Change

Dave Crispin: Growing After Loss

Paula Martin: Making the Mosaic

: Coach Debbie Rivera

: Coach Nina Potter

: Coach Annette Carpien

: Coach Laurie Johnson

: Coach Terri Hase

: Coach Dave Crispin

: Coach Paula Martin

The Myth That Murders Marriages

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

October 10, 2018

There are lots of myths about marriage. But there is one myth that comes up over and over. In fact, the trap for this myth is set at the very early stages of every relationship.

The question is whether you step into the trap or not. Will the myth trip you up and start the deterioration of your marriage? Or a better question: has it already damaged your marriage?

How is the trap set?

Think back to the beginning of your relationship. The early days. When you were so happy to have found that “one.” Remember how giddy it felt to hear from that special person? How happy you were to see each other? How much better life seemed? It was intoxicating.

And plays directly into this myth.

This myth is all about marriage and happiness… and the role of a spouse.

Listen to this week’s podcast to understand this myth… and why it is so dangerous!

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My Method and Why It Works

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

October 3, 2018

When a marriage is in trouble, the first place many people turn to is the internet. Where most people discover quite a plethora of information.

But what to trust? What to do?

Remember that even Google says they are a “search engine, not a truth engine.” In other words, they just give you search results. Not an evaluation of the results.

So, some people just dive right in, grabbing information on top of information, believing that if it has to do with “saving a marriage,” it must all fit together.

This is patently false. And it leads to trouble.

Some advice is very manipulative. Some is simply misguided. Lots is based on anecdotal evidence — the author somehow saved his or her marriage and thinks it applies across the board (it rarely does).

How do you pick through the advice and information?

I do my best to be transparent on what I teach. I rely on 3 decades of experience as a coach and therapist, 30 years in my own marriage, and lots of research.

And I will tell you exactly what I teach… along with why I teach it. Then, you can make your own decision on what path to follow.

Listen to this week’s podcast episode for what I suggest and why I suggest it.

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