October 2019 – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

Turning Conflict Into Intimacy

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg October 30, 2019 October 21, 2019

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

October 30, 2019

Relationships of any depth and any magnitude are going to hit up against conflict. It is just the nature of being close to someone. You are going to have differences that emerge. It is not a question of if, but when those differences appear. And then there is another question: how do you deal with the conflict? Does it serve to push you apart or does it pull you together?

In marriage, you are tying your life to the life of a spouse. That intensifies the potential for conflict, and the importance of that conflict. If someone else’s life has no real bearing on mine, I can disregard and ignore our differences… and we can even go our separate ways.

But in marriage, you pledge to move through those tough times, to find a way that works for both of you. And that raises the potential for the conflict.

For many couples, conflict only serves to divide and separate, not strengthen and pull together. Which means that an opportunity has been missed. A bridge has been lost.

On this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, my guest is Mari Frank. What makes Mari’s outlook interesting is that she is an attorney. A divorce attorney. Not one who likes to take relationships apart, but an attorney who sees the sadness of relationships that could survive, that still have potential… where the spouses can’t see a way through their conflict.

After Mari watched marriages ending unnecessarily, she decided to do something. She used the skills developed over the years of navigating negotiation and mediation to help couples get below their surface issues and resolve their deeper conflicts.

And she realized that couples could do this before they landed in her office! Before their marriage was in jeopardy! Not only that, the conflict actually created a path to intimacy, if the couple followed it.

This led to her book, Fighting for Love. And in this episode of the podcast, it leads to our discussion of how conflict can be turned into intimacy

Listen in as Mari and I discuss the 6 A’s To A Long Relationship, and how to use HARD LOVE to get out of conflict.

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Your Questions About Infidelity, part 2

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

October 23, 2019

In the last episode, I answered questions about infidelity and marriage. Well, I started answering questions. Since I started asking for your questions, I have received quite a few about affairs and infidelity. So, I continue answering questions in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.

Last episode, we focused more on what to do while there is an affair, emotional or physical.

This episode focuses a bit more on the aftermath. What do you do when the affair is ending/has ended? Especially if there is still contact!

What do you do with those thoughts and fears? What do you do about trust? How do you rebuild the relationship in the shadow of cheating? Especially if the cheating spouse is not doing what you want them to do in the recovery process?

And by the way, what’s “normal” in an upside-down reality?

We cover that and more!

Listen below for my answers to listener questions on infidelity (part 2)

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Your Questions About Infidelity, Part 1

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

October 16, 2019

Someone cheated. What now? Can a marriage survive infidelity, either physical or emotional? Can a relationship recover after an affair?

Over the past while, I have been answering listener questions (you can submit by emailing here). And this week, we turn our attention to the subject of infidelity and affairs (both physical and emotional).

To be honest, I receive more questions on this topic than any other (which is the reason I wrote the book on recovering from an affair). So, this is only part 1 of my answers.

Affairs and infidelity affect many marriages. They are a risk during a marriage crisis, and they deepen a crisis already happening. Infidelity is less a cause of the actual crisis, and more a symptom. But a discovered affair is often the first clear sign of the depths of crisis.

How do you deal with your emotions? How do you deal with your spouse? And how about that other person?

We touch on this and many other issues in the episode below. Listen in.

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Struggling with Separation

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

October 9, 2019

Is separation the best scenario for saving a marriage?

No. Many times, a separation ends up being a “dress rehearsal for divorce.” Living separately creates patterns of separation. Connection becomes more difficult.

But is it all for naught?

Not necessarily.

For a number of episodes now, I have been answering questions from listeners (you can email your questions to [email protected]).

In this episode, I answer questions from 3 listeners about their separation concerns: building connection during a separation, dealing with relationships that develop during a separation, and how to rebuild trust after a separation.

If you are struggling with a separation, whether before, during, or after, you need to listen in to this episode as I address the struggles with separation.

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Dealing with Indifference…

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

October 2, 2019

For awhile, I have been answering listener-submitted questions, and continue to do so in this episode (if YOU want to ask a question, send it to [email protected]).

This week, I respond to a couple of questions about a spouse’s indifference and/or resistance to attempts at connection.

It can be frustrating when you so desperately want to rebuild a marriage. Maybe your spouse claims to want the same. Maybe your spouse just doesn’t respond much at all. A little conversation… that goes nowhere. Or attempts at conversation… that go nowhere. It can feel frustrating and defeating.

How should you understand the situation?

What can you do about it?

Can you make progress?

We discuss these questions (and more) in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast. Listen below.

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