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Posts Tagged :

disconnection

Have You Been “Friend Zoned”?
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Did you get Friend Zoned in your marriage? Are you only roommates now? What does that mean?I often get a message that goes something like this, “We have been making progress on our marriage.  I’ve been working hard to reconnect, and think I have done a good job.  But lately, we don’t seem to be making any more progress.  Did my spouse Friend Zone me??”

Since I have heard this from coaching clients and total strangers, people in my program and listeners of my podcast, I thought I needed to address it.

First, let me just say, there is a “Zone” of disconnection and recovery that can feel like a stagnant friend zone.  But is that really what it is?

In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I discuss what people mean when they say “Friend Zoned” or “Roommates Only,” and why it happens.  I also discuss what a healthy marriage looks like.  We dive into the process of connection (along with disconnection and reconnection).  And I talk about why you always pass through this zone… in both directions. Then, we discuss why some people get stuck here.  And we look at how to make sure you don’t get stuck.

Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Book:  How to Save Your Marriage in 3 Simple Steps
Program:  Save The Marriage System
Coaching:  VIP Program
Training:  Why Connection is so Important
Training:  How to Resolve the Disconnection

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Marriage Wrecker: Disconnection
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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A marriage wrecker is disconnection. Disconnection can eat away at the foundations of your marriage, creating a vicious cycle, leading to relational collapse.Your marriage is hurting.  Why?  What happened?  What wrecked your marriage?

In the last podcast episode, I discussed how expectations can wreck a marriage.

But unfortunately, there are some other issues and concerns that can wreck your marriage.  This week’s Marriage Wrecker is right at the top of the list.

In fact, it is a recurring theme in my work with couples.  After discussing it in several coaching sessions in the last few days, I thought it was a good topic for an episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.

What is connection?  What is DISconnection… and why does it happen?  We start there.  We discuss how connection is the life-blood of your relationship… and what happens when it gets squeezed off… often for what seem like good reasons!

The result, though, is the same, even when disconnection is unintentional. (And it almost always is.)

I also cover what to do when you realize the cycle and are ready to break it (what to know and how to approach it, so you don’t get thrown off).

Listen to this important episode below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Danger of Expectations
Connection and Disconnection Resources
Pause Button Marriage
Book:  How To Save Your Marriage In 3 Simple Steps
System:  Save The Marriage

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Connection and Disconnection: Powerful Resources for Healing
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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HealTheDIsconnectionSmallOver and over, I hear the same story:  pain and conflict, disconnection and anger, resentment and distance.

In my book, I note the 3 steps to saving a marriage:

  1. Connect with your spouse.
  2. Change yourself.
  3. Create a new path.

Connecting with your spouse is HUGE.  In fact, the leading issue with marriages is that disconnection.  Heal the disconnection, and the relationship can stabilize.  It does not do away with steps 2 and 3.  In fact, #2 needs to be concurrent to reconnecting.  But #3, “create a new path,” is much easier when the connection is healing.

So how DO you do that?

Let me point you to some resources that will help you begin the process.  Below are links to the resources, so that you can quickly access and heal your relationship.

The Connection-Starved Marriage — CLICK HERE

This is it.  The reason marriages get into trouble.  They are literally starved for connection.  Which leads to hurt, further disconnection, and eventual disdain.  Hear why in the Connection-Starved Marriage training.

5 Myths of Connection — CLICK HERE

This is a great starting point.  You can begin to understand the ways we have misunderstood connection, so that you can move in the RIGHT direction.

7 Stages of Disconnection — CLICK HERE

This will help you assess where your relationship is right now!  How deeply disconnected are you?  Once you know this, you can begin to create your plan to reconnect.

How to Heal Disconnection — CLICK HERE

This resource will help you start the process of reversing the disconnection and move toward reconnection.

Why Healing Is Easier To Heal Than You Think — CLICK HERE

We are wired for connection.  Which is why it is easier to heal than you think… when you know this little secret.  I cover it in this training.

Being Courageously Compassionate — CLICK HERE

When you are hurting, angry, and frustrated, it can be difficult to even work on the connection.  But YOU may be the only one ready to work on it.  Courageous Compassion can help you choose a better path.  This resource will help you move in that direction.

Show UP! — CLICK HERE

One other resource is about showing up.  When you don’t show up, you don’t connect.  And here is the great thing:  you can ALWAYS show up.  You can always decide you will show up in your relationship.  Find out how!

Learn What Happy Couples Do Differently — CLICK HERE

These trainings will help you discover what happy couples do differently… and how you can follow their trail.  Build happiness and heal disconnection with these trainings.

 

If you are ready to really step up and heal your disconnection, It is time to grab the Save The Marriage System HERE

And if you need coaching, LEARN MORE HERE 

 

“I Love You, But I’m NOT IN Love”
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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"I love you, but I'm not in love with you."That one phrase has sent more marriages into a downward spiral than any other:  “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you.”

What does that even mean?

Notice that the phrase is uttered BECAUSE things are not where they need to be.

But there is a fork in the road here.  IF you know what this is about, it can be an opportunity to rebuild, to find a better path to a better marriage.

But if you don’t know what this is about, and what to do about it, your next actions can accelerate the downward spiral.  It can rapidly go from “love you, but not in love,” to “I want a divorce.”  It just doesn’t have to.

In this week’s podcast, I let you in on what this phrase REALLY means, and what to do about it.

RELATED RESOURCES
Disconnection In Marriage
Don’t Chase
Save The Marriage System

 

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