my spouse wants out – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

2 Actions that Do More Harm than Good

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg January 12, 2022 January 10, 2022

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

January 12, 2022

You know that your marriage is in trouble. Your spouse said so. Maybe it was the “things have to change” speech. Or maybe it was the “I love you, but I’m not in love” speech. Or maybe it was a request to separate or even divorce.

It comes into clear focus. Sure, you knew things weren’t great. But you thought they would improve, that you would find your way back together. Instead, the reality is crashing in.

Your marriage is in trouble.

What do you do? How do you respond?

There are 2 actions that I see over and over again. Both of them, while well intentioned, actually make things worse. Instead of improvement, the crisis only deepens. The chance of recovery only plummets.

And you only wanted to turn things around!

Wrong actions, even with the best of intentions, can cause more damage than good.

I cover the dangerous actions in this week’s Save The Marriage Podcast. Listen below.

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How to NOT Save Your Marriage

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 9, 2021

Are there things that you do that might KEEP you from saving your marriage?

Yes.

These are pretty common actions people take, not knowing that they are doing MORE damage, and making it even MORE difficult to save their marriage.

I wanted to cover these 10 ways you can mess up on saving your marriage, not to point out any mistakes, but to help you avoid and prevent those mistakes.

And if you have already made those mistakes, then start where you are. Just be sure not to fall back into the same traps and mistakes that likely got you here.

Take a listen below and let me know if you have something to add to the list!

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3 Barriers and Beyond

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

March 24, 2021

For some reason, your spouse just can’t see a way forward. You want things to be better… you want to save your marriage. But your spouse can’t (or won’t) see a possibility.

Why?

There are actually 3 real barriers your spouse might be experiencing. They just can’t see a way around any or all of the barriers.

Those 3 barriers are Hurting, Hopeless, and Helpless. Emotional struggles are painful — for all involved! And many times, it just doesn’t seem like there is a way to get help… and that can make you feel helpless. Add those together, and it can seem pretty helpless.

But is it?

Not if you can find a way beyond the 3 barriers.

In my VIP Program, I provide a weekly training, along with tools and coaching, to help people who are ready to make a real shift in their relationship. My System is kind of like the white belt training — knowing what you need to know to deal with a basic situation. VIP is the blue belt, designed for those wanting more effectiveness and efficiency in their efforts.

During one of those trainings awhile back, I addressed those 3 barriers. The training caused such a stir that I wrote a book about it. But those 3 barriers are so important that you need to know about them, too. So, I am doing something I don’t do: I’m giving you access to this VIP training. It IS a bit longer than my typical podcast, as we go deep (and the book goes deeper).

Listen in to learn the 3 barriers, and how to begin to get beyond them.

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Knocked Down, Back Up

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

February 3, 2021

You started working on saving your marriage. Good for you!

And then, you hit a bump. You get knocked down. Maybe you discovered an affair, physical or emotional. Maybe your spouse is irritable and upset. Maybe it is anger and resentment, yours or your spouse’s.

And it knocks you down.

Enough that you think it is over. That you are at the end.

But are you? Or do you need to get back up?

In most things in life, we think the process is (or should be) smooth. I fall for that myth all the time. I think a project is going to be easy and straightforward. Only to find a complication and difficulty at every turn.

And guess what? The same is true in your efforts to save your marriage.

We talk about how you might get knocked down… and how to get up again, in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.

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“My Therapist Says Divorce!” – Listener Question

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 19, 2019

“In our very first session, our therapist told me that we were divorcing and I need to accept it,” Claire wrote.

I invited people to submit questions. And Claire did. (You can, too, by EMAILING HERE.)

Here is what happened: Claire wanted to save her marriage. Her husband thought it was over. Claire convinced him to go to therapy. But then, near the end of the first session (and as it turns out, the only session), the therapist turned to Claire and announced that the marriage was over and she needed to accept it.

Claire was shocked. No efforts to work on the relationship. No discussion on what might be possible. Just a declaration that the marriage was over… not from her husband, but from the therapist!

I only wish this was the first time to have heard pretty much the same story… but I have heard it over and over. Does a therapist have a right to announce that divorce is inevitable? Should a therapist work on the relationship first?

Let’s talk about 3 dangers that come up for therapy… and what to do about them.

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