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Posts Tagged :

why can’t i save my marriage

The First Thing That MUST Change. . .
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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The first thing that MUST change to save your marriage.“Jack” was dancing around my office: pacing, sitting, jumping up, sitting down, pacing. . . .

Jack’s wife just revealed that she did not want to stay married.  22 years of marriage.  Gone.  Jack was in panic mode.

“What do I do?”, he repeatedly asked.

To be honest, Jack had already done a number of things I would have advised against.  He was already behind the proverbial “eight ball.”

Jack’s determination was actually getting him into worse trouble.  His efforts were in the wrong direction, confusing, and only leading to more anger.

So, Jack asked me where he should start.

I knew what Jack wanted.  He wanted what we all want:  a shortcut, an easy technique, a secret “ninja move” that would turn things around.

But as is true with most things in life, it is a bit more complicated than that.

“Jack,” I said, “take a deep breath.  Sit  back and listen.”  Jack struggled with that, but he did it.  Until I told him that something else had to change first:  his mindset.

In fact, Jack and I discussed 5 ways his mindset had to shift.  I share those 5 areas with you on this podcast.  I tell you what needs to shift, and how it needs to shift.

Even if you have been trying to save your marriage for some time, this is important.  You may not have even made that first shift that is crucial for anything to move forward.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Marriage Is A WE
Taking Responsibility
3’s of Saving Your Marriage What’s Your WHY
The System to Save Your Marriage
Book:  How To Save Your Marriage in 3 Simple Steps

 

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3 Ways You Are Stuck (And How To Get Un-Stuck)
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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3 ways you are stuck and how to get unstuck.You want to save your marriage.  But it feels like you are “stuck in the muck.”  You can’t get moving.

It may feel like paralysis — nothing will move.  It may feel like frustration — pushing against something, but with no progress.  It may feel like the engine is revving, but you are stuck in neutral.

In the end, all amount to the same situation:  no movement, no change.

Why is that?  Why are you stuck?

I would suggest there are 3 reasons:

  1. You don’t know what to do.  Or,
  2. You don’t know how to do it. Or,
  3. You are scared to do it!

The first 2 are all about gaining knowledge, gaining understanding.  The 3rd is simply choosing to let go of the fear.

Don’t let the feeling of fear keep you from the action of importance!

Fear is simply pointing to something important.  It is NOT a warning of what to avoid.  Don’t treat it that way.  Move through it.

Let’s talk through the 3 reasons you are stuck, and the way to get through each one.  Listen below!

Resources Mentioned In The Podcast:
Book:  How To Save Your Marriage In 3 Simple Steps
Resources on Rebuilding Connection
The Save The Marriage System
Why You Need A Plan To Save Your Marriage
Discovering the REAL Reasons You Are Saving Your Marriage
Virtual Coaching With Me

 

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3 Reasons Why Your Marriage Isn’t Turning Around
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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3 Reasons why your marriage hasn't turned around yet.

Your spouse told you your marriage was in trouble.

You responded.

You did your research, perhaps found some information, and decided to save your marriage.

Now, you are beginning to wonder, “Is this marriage ever going to improve?  Will it turn around?  Can I save my marriage?”

Sometimes, people put forth some effort and see some immediate results.  They see improvement in their relationship and in their own lives.  It seems that the marriage crisis dissipates as quickly as it descended.

But others, countless others, find this not to be the case.  They put in effort, they keep working on themselves. . . and nothing seems to be changing.

Why?

In my experience, there are 3 central reasons why a marriage has not (yet) turned around.

What if you could deal with 2 out of 3 in a straightforward way?  What if the 3rd can be addressed, even if it is far less in your control?  Would that be important information for you?

Here are the 3 reasons:

  1. The Depth of Damage
  2. No True Change in Patterns
  3. There is Someone Else

Let me tell you about these 3 reasons, and what to do in order to have the most successful outcome possible.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Save The Marriage System
Dealing With Infidelity
6 Month Experiment with Gary Chapman

 

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