why is my marriage failing – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

It’s Not About Who Wins

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg February 9, 2022 February 7, 2022

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

February 9, 2022

I remember saying to a couple on my couch, both claiming they were doing more and working harder for their relationship, “It’s not a competition!”

They didn’t much seem to believe me. They were simultaneously trying to win while proving they were losing. Yep, they were trying to win at a game of “who does more and gets less.” I am not sure what the trophy would have been, but the “prize” appeared to be a battered and painful marriage.

And they weren’t alone. They AREN’T alone! Lots of couples act like they are in a competition to win. And they think it is an individual sport, not a team sport!

That’s where the damage happens. Instead of playing to win at life, they are playing to win against a spouse.

Against. Anytime you find yourself against your spouse, you can guarantee the outcome is not a win for the team. It is not a help for the marriage… for the relationship.

With every win you get in an individual competition, there is a loser… in this case, your spouse. And if your spouse wins, you lose.

Learn why this is so dangerous and how to escape the one-on-one competition in this week’s Save The Marriage Podcast. Listen below.

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3 Turning Points of Saving Your Marriage

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

March 13, 2019

Many times, people contact me to tell me that their marriage is… well… continuing to spiral down, in spite of their efforts.

Over the years, I have noted some “turning points,” when things often start turning around. And I want to share 3 of these turning points with you.

Here is the good news: all 3 turning points I note are 100% within your control. Yes, there are other events and actions that can also turn things (or at least, start turning things). It is not JUST these 3 turning points. There are others.

But these turning points I chose to highlight are ones you can choose at any time and at any point.

To be clear, just because you make a change, that does not guarantee that things WILL turn around. (I would be able to retire, if that were the case.) It’s just that these actions often are the turning points in the effort to save your marriage.

Will making the 3 turns guarantee a saved marriage? No. But they may just make a shift. Playing the odds, doesn’t it make sense to give the 3 turning points a chance for change?

Listen to the podcast episode below for the 3 Turning Points.

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