April 2017 – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

3 Secrets Of People Who Save Their Marriage (And YOU Need To Know)

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg April 26, 2017 April 6, 2017

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

April 26, 2017

aI have watched from the sidelines as people work to save their marriage. And it strikes me that there are three secrets people who save their marriage learn and master. If you don’t know these secrets, you need to.

What are those 3 secrets?

They know the difference between Symptoms and Cause.
They know their spouse is not the enemy. (You may think you know this, too. But you may be acting the opposite.)
They know they need a plan. (Not just a thought, or an idea, but a plan.)

If you don’t know these secrets, you need to learn them. Listen to this week’s podcast below to learn the secrets.

HERE ARE SOME ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:
It’s About WE
Spouse As Enemy
You Need A Plan
Get The System

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Don’t Try To “Make,” “Get,” or “Cause” Your Spouse To. . .

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

April 19, 2017

The conversation starts innocently enough. Someone wants help saving a marriage. They tell me about the disconnection haunting the relationship. They tell me about the hurts and struggles. They tell me they are desperate to turn things around.

And then they say it. “How do I get my spouse to. . .” “How do I make my spouse to. . . ” “How do I cause my spouse to. . . .”

They say these things in innocence, really wanting to get things to a better place. They want to make the marriage work. They hope to cause a shift in the relationship. But they are aiming it at their spouse.

Herein lies the problem. It is about somehow getting, making, or causing a spouse to make a shift — maybe only as far as getting a spouse to think the marriage could be saved.

Innocent.

And doomed for failure.

Why?

Because just behind all three words lurks the same thing: manipulation or coercion. And usually with a spouse who is on the defensive, already suspicious and on guard.

And even if they are not, who wants to be manipulated or coerced? Even if it is in a good direction?

Don’t fall into this trap. Listen to the podcast below.

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“I Love You, But I’m NOT IN Love”

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

April 12, 2017

That one phrase has sent more marriages into a downward spiral than any other: “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you.”

What does that even mean?

Notice that the phrase is uttered BECAUSE things are not where they need to be.

But there is a fork in the road here. IF you know what this is about, it can be an opportunity to rebuild, to find a better path to a better marriage.

But if you don’t know what this is about, and what to do about it, your next actions can accelerate the downward spiral. It can rapidly go from “love you, but not in love,” to “I want a divorce.” It just doesn’t have to.

In this week’s podcast, I let you in on what this phrase REALLY means, and what to do about it.

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The Created Past And Your Marriage

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

April 5, 2017

Sounds so philosophical, doesn’t it? Your “created past.” What is that?

We all do it. We remember things based on our emotional state, not on what happened. When someone hurts us, we think back on the other times they hurt us. When someone is kind and loving, we think back on the other loving times.

When a couple is connected, they remember connection. When they are disconnected, they remember disconnection.

If you are wondering why your spouse can’t remember the happier times, can’t remember the passion, can’t remember the connection, this is it. The memories are being selected and created based on the current pain and disconnection.

Let’s talk more about this in the podcast below:

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