September 2024

Is it actually possible for people to change?? For you to change?? For your marriage to change?

That question has been asked for millenia.  It is a question of theology, philosophy, and psychology.

And yet, sometimes, it seems like there is no real answer.

As a student of all three arenas, and as a therapist/coach, I have thought long and hard about this question.

Sometimes, people ask me this question, about themselves, about their spouse, or about their relationship.

Short answer, “Yes, you and your marriage can change. But will you??”

Let’s talk about the possibility of change, the potential for it, and how to move toward it.  That is what we cover in this week’s episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Why Your Spouse Doesn’t See Your Changes
What To Do When A Spouse Says, “You’ll Never Change!”
Save The Marriage System

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What do you do if your spouse decides they need to work on themselves… and then they may (or may not) be willing to work on the marriage?  What do you do if your spouse just refuses to work on your marriage?

That is the question of the week, asked by Sam.  He said his wife wants to better herself.  Then, maybe she would address the marriage.

As part of my series, answering your questions, I want to address this one.  Because it might just be YOUR question, too!  (If not, you can SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION HERE.)

Many times, when a marriage is in trouble, a spouse (or maybe you) just won’t address the relationship issues, insisting they (or you) need to work on themselves (or yourself) before looking at the marriage.

The binary question:  “work on me or work on WE?” stands out.  But does it have to be so binary.  Is it really one or the other?  Or is there another way to approach this?

If you try to force a spouse to work on the relationship, that won’t work… and might make things better.  So, what CAN you do?

Listen to this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast for my response.

RELATED RESOURCES
Don’t Try to Convince
Showing UP in Marriage
Dealing with Conflict
The Importance of Self-Expansion
The Save The Marriage System HERE

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Connection is so important for a marriage.  When connection is cut off, the relationship falters.  When a marriage is disconnected, the marriage is at risk.

But many people think they are connecting… and they are actually crowding.

Crowding, in a struggling marriage, is as toxic as disconnecting.

Does it feel like a tightrope?  Well, it really isn’t.

As long, that is, as you understand the underlying principle:  Connect, Don’t Crowd.

In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I give you access to one of ten principles I cover in my VIP program (an advanced program for those who have my System, but want to be more effective or need more help).

Resources in the VIP program are generally restricted only to VIP members, but I wanted to make sure you don’t fall into the “crowding trap.”  I see it far too often.

Especially for people who have realized they hit the Pause Button on their marriage… and are trying to reconnect.

Listen in to find how to connect without crowding.  Don’t fall into the trap!

RELATED RESOURCES:
Pause Button Marriage
Connection is the Life Blood
Connection Tools
Save The Marriage System

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Many times, people contact me to tell me that their marriage is… well… continuing to spiral down, in spite of their efforts.

Over the years, I have noted some “turning points,” when things often start turning around.  And I want to share 3 of these turning points with you.

Here is the good news:  all 3 turning points I note are 100% within your control.  Yes, there are other events and actions that can also turn things (or at least, start turning things).  It is not JUST these 3 turning points.  There are others.

But these turning points I chose to highlight are ones you can choose at any time and at any point.

To be clear, just because you make a change, that does not guarantee that things WILL turn around.  (I would be able to retire, if that were the case.)  It’s just that these actions often are the turning points in the effort to save your marriage.

Will making the 3 turns guarantee a saved marriage?  No.  But they may just make a shift.  Playing the odds, doesn’t it make sense to give the 3 turning points a chance for change?

Listen to the podcast episode below for the 3 Turning Points.

RELATED RESOURCES
Chasing Won’t Work
Response-Able
Show Up
Will YOUR Marriage Be Saved?
Your Fail Point
Marriage Fail Points Book
Save The Marriage System

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