hurt marriage – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

Better or Bitter?

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg January 2, 2019 January 2, 2019

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

January 2, 2019

I often watch people move toward one of two possibilities when a marriage is in trouble: Better or Bitter. One letter difference, but what a difference in destination.

One leads a couple to a rewarding and loving relationship, improving and stabilizing: Better.

The other leads to more anger, more resentment, more distance, and further deterioration: Bitter.

Here is the irony: many times, the person proclaiming a desire to work on the marriage, to get it turned around, is the one holding onto bitterness. And bitterness has a tendency to grow, unless the person chooses to make a shift.

A shift to Better.

Over the years, I have watched people who proclaim a desire to save their marriage. They start taking steps, start connecting, start the healing… and when a spouse begins to turn, the one putting in the work suddenly turns… away. The bitterness gains ground. It eats away at all progress.

And in the process, the couple proves the marriage was “too far gone,” “too hurt,” or “too damaged.” In reality, bitterness set in and disrupted any possibility of healing.

So, there is a choice: Bitter or Better?

Let’s talk about the roots of bitterness and how to let it go. Listen to the podcast below.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Healing Your Resentments

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

March 1, 2017

Resentments are the deep infections of anger. When anger is unresolved, it becomes a systemic poison. But do remember that anger is really a result of hurt and fear/threat. It just comes out as anger.

When the hurt goes unaddressed and the anger festers, it becomes resentment. Resentment then spreads into more and more areas of relating. It pulls the relationship down, weakening the connection and destroying good feelings.

Your spouse may have lots of resentment toward you. We will be covering that next week. But we always start with ourselves. What about YOUR resentments? How do you heal YOUR resentments?

If you don’t start there, you won’t be effective in addressing your spouse’s resentments.

Join me for this week’s podcast, as we discuss healing your resentments. . .

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS