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lee baucom

How To Stay In The Game
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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How to Stay In the Game.You might feel like “tapping out,” or forfeiting, just giving up and walking away.

It can be frustrating when you are trying to save a marriage, only to get pushback from a spouse.  You are working to build the connection, working to improve yourself, and working to make a different relationship.  But it feels like two steps forward, three steps back.

How do you “stay in the game?”

Partly, it is mental.  But there are also some things you can do to help you shift perspective, keep your patience, and keep on moving forward.  Let me share some strategies on how to “Stay in the Game” in this week’s podcast.

Listen below.

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3 Secrets Of People Who Save Their Marriage (And YOU Need To Know)
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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3 secrets people who save their marriage know, and you need to learn.aI have watched from the sidelines as people work to save their marriage.  And it strikes me that there are three secrets people who save their marriage learn and master.  If you don’t know these secrets, you need to.

What are those 3 secrets?

  1.  They know the difference between Symptoms and Cause.
  2. They know their spouse is not the enemy. (You may think you know this, too.  But you may be acting the opposite.)
  3. They know they need a plan.  (Not just a thought, or an idea, but a plan.)

If you don’t know these secrets, you need to learn them.  Listen to this week’s podcast below to learn the secrets.

HERE ARE SOME ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:
It’s About WE
Spouse As Enemy
You Need A Plan
Get The System

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How To Deal With Negativity
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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How to deal with negativity when you are saving your marriage.It happens.  In the middle of a marriage crisis, you can find yourself surrounded by negativity.  A spouse negative about the marriage.  Friends and family negative about your efforts to save your marriage.  You negative, well, about everything you are doing (it is easy to slip into self-blame and self-doubt).

Negativity comes from several sources:  fear, protectiveness, anger, resentment, lack of understanding, and lack of clarity.

Regardless of the source, you may find yourself reacting poorly — negatively impacting your capacity to save and improve your marriage.

Is there another alternative?

You bet there is!

I would suggest four ways to respond that can change the outcome.  Listen to the podcast for the four ways you can respond differently to the negativity, making sure that you don’t catch it yourself.  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
You Need A Plan
Dealing With Your Resentment
Dealing With Your Spouse’s Resentment
Grab The Save The Marriage System

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Action versus Distraction
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Taking Action or is it Distraction?A while back, I was talking with someone who was struggling with his marriage.  I made a couple of suggestions.  He pushed back.  He said, “It’s not like I’m not doing anything!”

“Great,” I said, “Tell me what you are doing.”

“I’ve read some articles and stuff.  I did some research. . . ”

He continued on for a few minutes.  But I quickly realized my friend had made a crucial mistake.  He had confused distraction with action.  He was worried about his marriage, sure.  But he was distracted.  His distraction was confused with action.

Nothing was happening.

When we talked again, a few months later, his wife had left.  He told me he “did everything he could.”

I asked what that was.  I suspected.  I was right.  He spent the time in distraction.  In the end, there was no action.

Are you making the same mistake?

I discuss the distractions — and the actions — in this week’s podcast.

RELATED RESOURCES:
This ISN’T A Plan
You NEED A Plan
Why Marriages Get Into Trouble
The System to Save Your Marriage

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Fooling Ourselves. . .
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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FoolingOurselvesWe don’t mean to, but we do.  We fool ourselves.  Yep, humans can be dishonest with others, but we can also be dishonest with ourselves.  In fact, we do it every day.

It’s bad enough we can be dishonest with others.  But ourselves?  Yep.  And it can sure get in the way of saving your marriage.

Usually, when we are fooling ourselves, we relieve ourselves of responsibility.  And if it isn’t our responsibility, what can we do?  (Or so we tell ourselves.)

Let’s talk about several ways we are dishonest with ourselves. . . and how to change that!

HELPFUL RESOURCES:
Why to Save a Marriage
You Need a Plan
Save The Marriage System

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How Your Marriage Got Out of Shape
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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How did your marriage get out of shape?How did it happen?  Your marriage, how did it get into trouble?  Probably not overnight.  Sure, you can point to a crisis — a fight, an “I’m not happy” talk, an affair discovered, divorce papers served.  But that crisis didn’t just pop up.

Your marriage probably got out of shape over time.

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Immutable Law of Marriage: Connection Is The Lifeblood
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Immutable Law of Marriage: Connection is the Lifeblood of MarriageMaybe couples take it for granted.  Maybe they never knew.  And maybe they never knew because it was always there.  It was what led to being in love, to wanting to be together.  When it is there, you forget how important it is.  When it is gone, you realize your marriage is in deep trouble — but often only when it hits a critical turning point.

What is it?

Connection.

If a marriage loses connection, the marriage loses the lifeblood.

A friend of mine almost died from a heart attack.  His arteries were nearly clogged — and he never knew it!  Slowly, over time, the arteries were more and more clogged.  Sure, he got breathless.  But isn’t that just a part of aging?  Sure, he was tired.  But wasn’t his job stressful?

The critical incident only required a little clot to blog the rest, and down he went!  He is fortunate to be alive.

And now, once the blockage was cleared, he is feeling great.  He is back to exercising and an active life.  Why?  His blood flow is restored.

The lifeblood of your marriage?  Connection.  If it is blocked off, your marriage is in trouble.

The Immutable Law of Marriage:  Connection is the lifeblood of your marriage.  Listen to the podcast for what that means and how to restore circulation.

Immutable Laws Of Marriage Series
#1 Marriage Is About Becoming A WE
#2 Marriage Is NOT A Vehicle for Happiness (Or Misery)
#3 We ALL Have Fear
#4 There Is NO Pause

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“How I Saved My Marriage”
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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HowYouSavedYourMarriageMany times, in the midst of trying to save a marriage, the anxiety and fears can lock you up, overwhelmed with what to do next.

When that happens, the outcome is often a lack of change, motivation, or action.

And things continue in the downward spiral.

So today, I want to invite you to use your imagination — a little Jedi mind trick.  Imagine that you DID save your marriage.  You HAVE created a loving, supportive, respectful marriage.  You look forward to spending time together.  Your issues resolve themselves peacefully and effectively.

Now, you are looking back to see what you did, in order to save your marriage.  You notice how you approached the situation, how you dealt with the issues, and how you moved forward — even in the face of frustration and difficulties.

In today’s podcast, we reflect on “what you did” to save your marriage — and by doing that, we create a path for you to do just that:  Save Your Marriage.

Listen below.

(and if you are ready to take action, CLICK HERE FOR MY SYSTEM)

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3 Reasons Your Efforts Might Fail
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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WillAnythingWorkOver and over, people tell me about their “unique” situation, doubting that my System would do anything for their marriage problem.  Deep down inside, we all believe we are “special,” unique, and beyond the information that is out there.

My belief is that there are some commonalities to why marriages work.  A marriage in trouble does need to do some repair work.  But even that process is doing what works — following the “laws” of a marriage.

But over and over, I watch people hit the same spot in their efforts. . .  and fail.  I call these the Points of Failure.  There is a Primary Fail Point, which I won’t cover in this podcast.  It is big enough that it needed an extensive training that I provide for VIP members.

Another 3, though, are critical to know and avoid.  They are:

  1. Not being accountable/taking responsibility (this has NOTHING to do with blame or fault),
  2. Not having a plan/not preparing,
  3. Not following a system or approach.

These are such important points, and so easily missed.

Listen to this week’s podcast, so you understand the Fail Points, and know how to avoid them.

Important Resources:
Save The Marriage System
VIP Program (if you already have the System)
Follow me on Instagram for inspiration

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