Posts Tagged :

turning marriage around

Switches or Dials?
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

If you are saving your marriage, stop looking for a switch.  Work the dials to make your changes.No, this isn’t some electrical engineering idea. Instead, it has more to do with human nature.

We often want to find the switch, the on/off switch for some situation. Turn off stress by doing this, turn on fitness by doing this. On or off. With a switch.

This causes us to be looking for some super-easy, simple solution… often to complex issues. Particularly when it is a marriage crisis.

A marriage — much less a marriage crisis — is not an on/off situation, and no simple switch will turn it around.

Yet that is what many people want. The solution that is as easy as flipping a switch.

Yes, your marriage can be saved and improved, but not with some simple switch.  Instead, think about it as dials. Instead of a master switch, there can be a number of dials. Dialing up connection. Dialing down conflict. Dialing up warmth. Dialing down resentment.

We discuss this tendency to look for a switch — and the need to focus on the dials —  in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.

Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Why Connection is so Important
Dangerous Tricks
The No-Contact Rule
3C Approach
Save The Marriage System

3 Turning Points of Saving Your Marriage
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

3 Turning Points in saving your marriage.Many times, people contact me to tell me that their marriage is… well… continuing to spiral down, in spite of their efforts.

Over the years, I have noted some “turning points,” when things often start turning around.  And I want to share 3 of these turning points with you.

Here is the good news:  all 3 turning points I note are 100% within your control.  Yes, there are other events and actions that can also turn things (or at least, start turning things).  It is not JUST these 3 turning points.  There are others.

But these turning points I chose to highlight are ones you can choose at any time and at any point.

To be clear, just because you make a change, that does not guarantee that things WILL turn around.  (I would be able to retire, if that were the case.)  It’s just that these actions often are the turning points in the effort to save your marriage.

Will making the 3 turns guarantee a saved marriage?  No.  But they may just make a shift.  Playing the odds, doesn’t it make sense to give the 3 turning points a chance for change?

Listen to the podcast episode below for the 3 Turning Points.

RELATED RESOURCES
Chasing Won’t Work
Response-Able
Show Up
Will YOUR Marriage Be Saved?

Your Fail Point
Marriage Fail Points Book
Save The Marriage System