plan to save marriage – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

What’s Your Plan?

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg December 30, 2020 December 29, 2020

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

December 30, 2020

We are about to turn the page on the calendar. For me, that means a look forward. What will the new year hold? What will I bring into the new year? Either it happens to you or you make it happen.

So what will we make happen?

I just finished doing some research with people who have used my System, been clients, or in my programs. They divided into two groups: those who succeeded in saving their marriage, and those who failed.

My task was to determine what made the difference. They all had the basic information from me on what went wrong and what needs to happen to make it right. So, what made the difference above the basic information? What, beyond my System, made a difference?

As it turned out, there were 5 key factors. I shared the full research with my VIP members last week. But one piece reigned supreme. In fact, it made the other 4 work.

The key factor??

A plan.

I discuss what that is all about in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast. You can listen below to understand more about the plan, and how to have a SMART plan.

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FACT of Your Crisis: How to Face Your Crisis and Move Forward

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

August 26, 2020

Sometimes, just a hint or trick will do it. Maybe you want a trick or hint for an online game. Or even a trick for a better pancake. A hint for a better pushup.

But hints and tricks won’t work for saving a marriage.

Which is what I try to explain when I get the daily emails and voicemails, just asking for a hint or trick. Nothing wrong with asking. But the answer is, “you need more than a hint or trick. You need an approach. You need a system.”

But you also need a starting point, a way to get beyond the stuck point. Most people just don’t know how to start, so they start with hints and tricks. And then they realize there is more to this, more to the crisis.

When people tell me that they had a great marriage “until a week/month/year/___ time period ago, when ___________ happened,” they are missing that the seeds of the crisis were planted long before.

And that is why we need to fix the underlying issues, address the underlying problems, and rebuild in a sustainable way… for a long-term marriage.

In this episode of the podcast, I use the acronym from Gay Hendricks of FACT. We will FACT out your marriage crisis and get you moving forward.

Pay attention to the choice of path (3 W’s), and your action plan (3 C’s) in order to make a real shift as you face the FACTs of your crisis.

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What To Do To Save Your Marriage? (Part 2)

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

April 3, 2019

We are taking Back 2 Basics! Boiling the whole marriage crisis — and turning it around — right down to the very basics. Last week, I started a 2-part session with the 3 C’s you need to do to turn things around. (FIND THE EPISODE RIGHT HERE)

This week, I discuss HOW you carry out those 3 C’s… using the 4 C’s. Think of the last episode of giving you the targets you need to address. This is HOW you address your efforts.

Many people want to save their marriage… and they even have an idea of the areas they need to address (last episode). They may be very clear about what went wrong (the first episode of this series). But then, panic sets in. And their efforts backfire. They can’t get traction. Their spouse pushes back.

It doesn’t have to be that way! There is a simple formula for you to follow (back to basics) on how you implement your plan… the plan to address those 3 targets. 4 simple guidelines… those 4 C’s, will guide you and keep you out of trouble.

After the last episode came out, a listener/reader contacted me and said, “There is no way it is that easy.” I agreed. The process is not easy. It is, however, pretty simple and straightforward… unless you complicate it unnecessarily. Sure, it seems overwhelming. But that is the reason for this series.

To break it down into the basic pieces. To give you a simple roadmap to follow. To remind you of what is most important. Those targets? The 3 C’s? Incredibly important. Those guidelines? The 4 C’s? Incredibly important.

Let’s get this process going.

Listen below.

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Surviving Mistakes and Backslides

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

November 8, 2017

It happens. You are trying to save your marriage and. . . you make a mistake. You violate your own plan.

And things take a slide backwards.

Maybe you aren’t even sure if it is possible to get back on-track.

Most of the time, the answer is “absolutely.”

This week, I cover how to recover from a mistake, how to stop the backsliding, and how to start moving forward again.

If you violated one of my 5 Things To Avoid Doing, maybe even before you knew about them (and even after you learned about them), you can still recover and start moving forward.

If you decided to eat better. . . then you hit the dessert buffet, what do you do? Toss in your plan? Or get going on your plan? Same here.

But let’s talk about how to not just survive the mistakes, but get going again. Listen below.

Survive Series:
Surviving Separation
Surviving Conflict
Surviving the Golden Hour

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How To Deal With Negativity

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

March 15, 2017

It happens. In the middle of a marriage crisis, you can find yourself surrounded by negativity. A spouse negative about the marriage. Friends and family negative about your efforts to save your marriage. You negative, well, about everything you are doing (it is easy to slip into self-blame and self-doubt).

Negativity comes from several sources: fear, protectiveness, anger, resentment, lack of understanding, and lack of clarity.

Regardless of the source, you may find yourself reacting poorly — negatively impacting your capacity to save and improve your marriage.

Is there another alternative?

You bet there is!

I would suggest four ways to respond that can change the outcome. Listen to the podcast for the four ways you can respond differently to the negativity, making sure that you don’t catch it yourself. Listen below.

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Why You and Your Plan Are Stalled

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

December 14, 2016

Are your efforts to save your marriage getting stalled? Maybe we should take a look at your plan.

You do have a plan, don’t you?

Let’s talk about 5 reasons your plan (or lack of plan) may be the trouble — and what we can do to make a switch.

To be crystal clear, all 5 reasons are in your control. YOU can choose how you move forward in each of these issues. You may not have control over your spouse’s reaction, but you do have choices in your planning and execution of your plan.

Check out these related trainings:
Points of Failure
Your Reasons Why

And check out these resources:
How To Save Your Marriage In 3 Simple Steps book
The Save The Marriage System

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Confusion or Connection?

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

December 16, 2015

Last week, on four separate coaching calls, I listened as a client said, “I’m confused.” The client would then describe some behavior from a spouse that was causing my client to feel confused. Maybe they had a good interaction, but an hour later, things went south. Or perhaps they had a warm conversation before bed. But in the morning, the chill had returned. Or maybe the spouse was talking about working on things, only to say a day or so later, “This just won’t work.”

Confusion.

Understandable, right? Understandable, but not helpful.

Generally, once someone is confused, they are far less effective in connecting. It seems it is a choice between confusion and connection.

Don’t be confused. That is not where you want to focus your energy. Learn why to not focus there, and how to re-focus.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Your “Why”
Your Plan
hitYour Save The Marriage System
Your VIP Invite

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