Save Your Marriage Podcast – Page 31 – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

“Why Does It Hurt So Much?”

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg January 3, 2018 December 18, 2017

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

January 3, 2018

I recently took a phone call. The caller told me that the pain of her marital problems was horrible. She told me it was physically painful. She was truly hurting.

But she wasn’t sure why it was hurting so much.

Let’s be clear: a marital crisis is incredibly stressful, scary, and painful. It feels like everything you know is up in the air. Your life can feel like a train wreck.

During our discussion, I explained to the caller why it was so painful.

But I also explained the real danger of the pain: it can keep you from taking action. Kinda like touching a hot stove. You don’t want to do THAT again! Except that avoiding only makes things worse.

So, I also shared my thoughts on the need to switch from “Why” (“Why does it hurt?”) to “What” (“What do I do now?”)

I share my thoughts on why it hurts and what to do on this week’s podcast. Listen below.

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The Fantasy and Fallacy of Infidelity

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

December 27, 2017

Infidelity is powerful. And destructive.

It is also powered by fantasy. Oh, and did I mention the fallacy of infidelity?

We don’t have clear figures about infidelity. Estimates are that around 1/5th to 1/4th of people, male and female, commit infidelity. This estimate is based upon physical infidelity.

Emotional infidelity is much harder to track. Many people are unable to distinguish between

emotional infidelity and “good friend,” or “we just talk.” So, many commit emotional infidelity, but aren’t clear about it.

In this week’s podcast episode, I expose the fantasy and fallacy that fuels infidelity.

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5 MORE Myths of Marriage (That Can Get You Into Trouble Fast)

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

December 20, 2017

In the last episode, I covered 5 myths of marriage that can get you into trouble. In this episode, I reveal 5 more. Equally dangerous.

Especially in your efforts to save your marriage.

The first set of myths were about the nature of marriage.

This set of myths are assumptions about what happens to a marriage in trouble.

If you or your spouse believe these myths, you might find yourself really struggling with any attempt to save your marriage.

Take a listen to these myths of marriage that may be hurting your efforts to save your marriage.

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5 Myths of Marriage (That Can Get You Into Trouble Fast)

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

December 13, 2017

Myths aren’t just interesting stories. They are pieces of false information that can get us into trouble. Myths form false beliefs that can cause you to act in damaging ways. And there are quite a few myths around marriage.

Each myth can cause problems. But most people believe multiple myths, multiplying the mess.

Myths make assumptions and form ideas. If you believe the myth, the ideas make sense. And the actions based on those ideas make sense.

Except that the underlying assumptions are false.

Which means the actions are faulty.

But the damage is real.

If you know someone (or even belief it yourself) who thinks there is “THE One,” the one person destined to be your spouse — you already know one of these myths. And you may have discovered the damage done. If not, you may discover it down the road.

In this week’s podcast episode, I cover 5 myths. In the next episode, I will cover 5 more.

See if YOU believe any of these myths.

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The ARC of Saving Your Marriage

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

December 6, 2017

Since my book, Thrive Principles, came out, people have asked me why I shifted my focus from saving marriages to thriving. In reality, there is no shift. My System on saving a marriage is the same path to having a thriving marriage. In fact, my focus from the beginning was on how to have a thriving life in all areas of living — including in marriage.

Which means that there are many cross-over points between how we thrive and how we save a marriage.

In this week’s Save The Marriage Podcast, I discuss three anchors of Thrive Principles that can help you address the issues in your marriage.

These three principles can help you save your marriage. Just remember the acronym, ARC.

Acceptance
Responsibility
Control

Use these three principles as you work to save your marriage.

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3 Ways You Diss Your Marriage

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

November 29, 2017

I am way too uncool to ever use “Diss” in a conversation.

That said, I will drop it into a headline, because I see too many couples “dissing” their relationship, without even meaning to.

Distraction, Disinterest, and Disconnection lead to Disrespect of your relationship.

And it often becomes habit, usually without you meaning to.

The bad news is, these 3 ways you “diss” a relationship eat away at the foundations.

The good news is that once you know what you are doing, you can change it. Even turn it around.

Learn how you are dissing your marriage, and how to stop in this week’s podcast.

disListen below.

RESOURCES:
Power of Connection
Marriage Crisis Mistakes to Avoid
Why Your Efforts May Be Failing
Save The Marriage System

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Surviving Disconnection

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

November 22, 2017

Survival has been the theme for the last few weeks. Not just surviving, but overcoming and thriving. We’ve covered separation, infidelity, conflict, the “Golden Hour,” mistakes, and Empty Nest/Mid Life Crisis. This week, we end the series on surviving as we turn our attention to disconnection.

Really, in many ways, disconnection is the underlying issue. It leads to separation and infidelity. It amplifies conflict. It precipitates the crisis. It contributes to the mistakes. And an empty nest/midlife is a marriage crisis because of the disconnection.

Which makes it so important to cover this week.

If you want to resolve a marriage crisis, you have to survive the disconnection — and create renewed connection.

Connection is the lifeblood of a relationship, and especially a marriage. As the connection goes, so goes the relationship — unless you solve the disconnection.

Let’s talk about why the disconnection is such an issue and how to solve it.

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Surviving Empty Nest and MidLife

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

November 15, 2017

If you followed the common pattern, you got married and some short time later, you had a child. And perhaps another (or a few). You likely went from “spouse” to “parent” in a fairly short amount of time.

The years fly by (I know — mine are both in their 20’s and out of the house). You blink and they are leaving.

You blink again, and you realize you and your spouse are faced with an empty nest. And maybe at the same time, a mid life crisis. In fact, sometimes, they are intertwined. The role you held is disappearing. While you will always be concerned about and care for your kids, they might not want so much “parenting.”

What happens now?

For many, this is the beginning of a marriage crisis. In reality, the crisis was long brewing underneath the surface. Timing now conspires to bring empty nest, mid life crisis, and marriage crisis to the forefront.

How do you survive?

Can you thrive?

You WILL survive. And you CAN thrive.

Let’s talk about how in this week’s Save The Marriage Podcast episode.

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Surviving Mistakes and Backslides

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

November 8, 2017

It happens. You are trying to save your marriage and. . . you make a mistake. You violate your own plan.

And things take a slide backwards.

Maybe you aren’t even sure if it is possible to get back on-track.

Most of the time, the answer is “absolutely.”

This week, I cover how to recover from a mistake, how to stop the backsliding, and how to start moving forward again.

If you violated one of my 5 Things To Avoid Doing, maybe even before you knew about them (and even after you learned about them), you can still recover and start moving forward.

If you decided to eat better. . . then you hit the dessert buffet, what do you do? Toss in your plan? Or get going on your plan? Same here.

But let’s talk about how to not just survive the mistakes, but get going again. Listen below.

Survive Series:
Surviving Separation
Surviving Conflict
Surviving the Golden Hour

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Surviving the “Golden Hour”

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

November 1, 2017

In situations of traumatic injury, first responders refer to the “Golden Hour” as the first hour (or less) after injury where proper medical care leads to the best chance of survival.

I ran into the concept in first aid training as a teenager. But I saw it in action when I was a hospital chaplain at the beginning of my career. Severe injuries with quick response often survived, when lesser injuries that were not so quickly addressed led to higher mortality.

Guess what?

It also applies to a marriage crisis.

Except it isn’t really an hour. It might be days or weeks. But what matters is how you respond in that early crisis time.

In this week’s podcast, we look at the best ways to survive that Golden Hour with the greatest change of marital survival (and thriving).

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