lee baucom – Page 17 – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

Return To Love: Debbie Rivera

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg February 28, 2018 February 28, 2018

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

February 28, 2018

Last week, you got to hear from me a little about who I am and why I do what I do. Over the next few weeks, I want to introduce you to my amazing team of coaches. Not just introduce you, but let you listen to their wisdom that can help you in your efforts to save your marriage.

Coach Debbie Rivera

This week, I introduce you to Coach Debbie Rivera. Debbie is a gem of a person and a diamond of a coach! She brings skill and integrity into her coaching and her life. Her calm and cool can guide you through a crisis. Her skills can equip you to take on your crisis effectively and efficiently.

As we talk, Debbie shares one of the most important shifts that must happen in the process of saving a marriage: returning to love.

Listen as Debbie and I discuss the process of returning to love.

(And if you want to contact Debbie, CLICK TO EMAIL)

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Why I Do What I Do

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

February 21, 2018

Dr. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Over the next few weeks, I want you to meet my talented staff. I have some of the top relationship coaches working with me to provide great help to couples around the world. And I am proud of the work we do.

Why?

Because it comes from my deep belief that healthy marriages are crucial for a healthy family, community, and world.

I jump in this week to tell you about who I am and why I do what I do. Just so you know where I am coming from. Just so you have a better feel for who is behind the Save The Marriage System (and this podcast, books, workshops, coaching, etc.).

I’ll share a bit about my early life, my training, and my convictions about saving marriages.

Consider this an introduction, if you are new to my program. Consider it further discussion if you have been around for a bit.

Either way, here I am!

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The Power of Apology and Forgiving

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

January 10, 2018

Any intimate relationship is going to lead to some hurts along the way. It’s just impossible to be that close to someone and not bump into each other (and each other’s emotions) every now and then.

The question is what you do when the hurt hangs around. It lingers and lurks, eating away at the connection — unless it is released.

Which is where apologies and forgiving come in.

Each serves a purpose to clear the air.

But to be clear, they aren’t necessarily linked. You might apologize and not be forgiven. You might forgive even without an apology. Each comes from your choice.

Let’s talk about what’s behind each: the elements of an apology and the decision to forgive.

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The ARC of Saving Your Marriage

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

December 6, 2017

Since my book, Thrive Principles, came out, people have asked me why I shifted my focus from saving marriages to thriving. In reality, there is no shift. My System on saving a marriage is the same path to having a thriving marriage. In fact, my focus from the beginning was on how to have a thriving life in all areas of living — including in marriage.

Which means that there are many cross-over points between how we thrive and how we save a marriage.

In this week’s Save The Marriage Podcast, I discuss three anchors of Thrive Principles that can help you address the issues in your marriage.

These three principles can help you save your marriage. Just remember the acronym, ARC.

Acceptance
Responsibility
Control

Use these three principles as you work to save your marriage.

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Surviving Disconnection

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

November 22, 2017

Survival has been the theme for the last few weeks. Not just surviving, but overcoming and thriving. We’ve covered separation, infidelity, conflict, the “Golden Hour,” mistakes, and Empty Nest/Mid Life Crisis. This week, we end the series on surviving as we turn our attention to disconnection.

Really, in many ways, disconnection is the underlying issue. It leads to separation and infidelity. It amplifies conflict. It precipitates the crisis. It contributes to the mistakes. And an empty nest/midlife is a marriage crisis because of the disconnection.

Which makes it so important to cover this week.

If you want to resolve a marriage crisis, you have to survive the disconnection — and create renewed connection.

Connection is the lifeblood of a relationship, and especially a marriage. As the connection goes, so goes the relationship — unless you solve the disconnection.

Let’s talk about why the disconnection is such an issue and how to solve it.

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Surviving Mistakes and Backslides

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

November 8, 2017

It happens. You are trying to save your marriage and. . . you make a mistake. You violate your own plan.

And things take a slide backwards.

Maybe you aren’t even sure if it is possible to get back on-track.

Most of the time, the answer is “absolutely.”

This week, I cover how to recover from a mistake, how to stop the backsliding, and how to start moving forward again.

If you violated one of my 5 Things To Avoid Doing, maybe even before you knew about them (and even after you learned about them), you can still recover and start moving forward.

If you decided to eat better. . . then you hit the dessert buffet, what do you do? Toss in your plan? Or get going on your plan? Same here.

But let’s talk about how to not just survive the mistakes, but get going again. Listen below.

Survive Series:
Surviving Separation
Surviving Conflict
Surviving the Golden Hour

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Surviving the “Golden Hour”

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

November 1, 2017

In situations of traumatic injury, first responders refer to the “Golden Hour” as the first hour (or less) after injury where proper medical care leads to the best chance of survival.

I ran into the concept in first aid training as a teenager. But I saw it in action when I was a hospital chaplain at the beginning of my career. Severe injuries with quick response often survived, when lesser injuries that were not so quickly addressed led to higher mortality.

Guess what?

It also applies to a marriage crisis.

Except it isn’t really an hour. It might be days or weeks. But what matters is how you respond in that early crisis time.

In this week’s podcast, we look at the best ways to survive that Golden Hour with the greatest change of marital survival (and thriving).

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Are You Addicted To Blame?

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

July 19, 2017

Are you and your spouse addicted to blame? Do you find yourself pointing your finger toward your spouse, sure that it is really your spouse’s fault (and is your spouse doing the same thing?)?

Or maybe you are just blaming yourself. You see this whole mess as YOUR fault.

Blame has one single outcome — STUCK. It robs you of power (and steals away responsibility).

Blame is highly corrosive to connection. And it freezes up the process of change. It freezes out any chance for change.

And it is unnecessary. (Oh, and don’t fall into the trap of just changing who gets the blame. Blame your spouse or blame yourself. Same outcome.)

Let’s break the addiction to blame.

And if you are ready, you can grab my Save The Marriage System HERE.

OTHER HELPFUL RESOURCES
Anger and Marriage
Healing YOUR Resentment
Helping YOUR SPOUSE Heal Resentment
The Importance of Connection
The Save The Marriage System

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“What If I CAN’T Save It?” — Your Fears Addressed

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

July 12, 2017

Two phone calls the same day. Both with the same question: “What if I CAN’T save my marriage?” One had been working at it for awhile. The other hadn’t started (and was trying to decide whether to even start).

It’s a common question that gets asked at 3 different times in the process. Each has a different meaning. All share a fear.

That fear can keep you from taking action, talk you into giving up, or serve to inform you.

This week, I want to take on the question, “What if I can’t save it?”, because not every marriage can be saved. (But NONE will be saved without action.)

Don’t let the question trip you up. Understand what’s behind it. And learn my answer to the question.

Listen below. . .

(And if you are ready to get started, GRAB MY SAVE THE MARRIAGE SYSTEM HERE.)

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The Danger of the Yo-Yo Method

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 28, 2017

tDo you know about “yo-yo dieting,” where people start a plan and lose weight, drop off the plan and gain it back, only to repeat that over and over?

Did you know that each time that happens, it makes it harder to lose weight the next time? Did you know that this pattern places people at higher risk of other medical issues?

Did you know that many people do the exact same thing in their efforts to save a marriage?

They start working on things, even start making some progress. And then, they stop — for many reasons, but in the end, they stop. And things get worse. So, they start again. It may take a little more effort and a little more time. But things get better. Then they stop. Guess what? Things get worse again.

That is the Yo-Yo Method of saving a marriage.

Don’t Do It!

Listen to this week’s podcast and learn why it happens (and how to stop it).

THEN CLICK HERE AND LET’S SOLVE IT, ONCE AND FOR ALL.

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